


Are You With Me?

by audhds



Series: Break Down The Walls [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Awesome Bobby Singer, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), BAMF Dean Winchester, Bobby Ships It, Bobby is so Done, Bring Back Bobby, Case Fic, Castiel Angst, Castiel Feels, Castiel Needs a Hug, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Cute, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hunter Dean, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Protective Bobby Singer, Protective Dean, Protective Dean Winchester, Socially Awkward Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-20 06:10:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10656540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audhds/pseuds/audhds
Summary: Sequel to 'Break Down the Walls.' Castiel has decided to stay with the Winchesters, but they have to leave him behind while they go on a hunt. However, when things don't go to plan, a fragile Castiel is left to pick up the pieces whilst he is in the middle of battling his own inner demons.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sequal to 'Break Down The Walls' - You can probably read this as a stand alone, but would make more sense if you have read it :) It follows on from the Destiel ending!
> 
> Title comes from 'Are You With Me' by Sixx:AM. Check them out, they're great <3

_Well have I judged a book by how it’s bound?_   
_Am I lost or am I found?_   
_And are you with me?_   
_Are you with me now?_   
_Come back from the dead,_   
_You've been inside your head for too long!_

_Are you with me now?_   
_Find the places that scare you,_   
_Come on I dare you,_   
_Are you with me?_   
_Are you with me?_

Cas woke early the next morning and panicked when he felt something wrapped tightly around his waist. With a start he sat bolt upright, only to realize that nothing was tied around him, pinning him down. No, it was just Dean's arm.

"Whoa, hey Cas, you ok?" Dean blinked blearily, reaching for his knife which was resting under his pillow. He had kept it hidden from Cas, deciding that it could have been a bit of a passion killer when they were about to make love, but he would draw it in a heartbeat to protect his partner. Partner…now that’s weird.

"Yeah, everything is perfect now, because…because of you Dean. You saved me." Cas looked down at his hands briefly and began to fiddle with the edge of the bed sheet, he still wasn't really used to the whole relationship thing, although to be fair it had only officially started the night before.

"Well of course everything's perfect because of me, I'm awesome!" Dean's humor immediately cheered Cas up and he playfully slapped Dean on the shoulder.

"Hey, just because we're in a relationship doesn't mean you get to beat me up!" Dean shot Cas a mock wounded look before leaning in and kissing Cas' cheekbone, followed by his smooth lips. Cas responded enthusiastically, allowing Dean full entry and tilting his head back to groan in pleasure.

"You are so god damn sexy when you have bed hair like that." Cas looked up playfully at Dean with bright blue eyes and ran a hand through his hair, which was sticking out at all angles.

"Not now Dean, I for one am starving and need to wash."

"Hygiene freak."

"Um…Smelly freak!"

"I do not smell. This is what a real man smells like."

"What, that doesn’t even make sense…whatever, I'm washing." Cas pushed back the covers and swung his legs out of bed, gasping slightly when the stab wound in his abdomen made itself known. It wasn't a friendly reminder, more of an 'OI, I'M HERE, DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME!'

"Hey Cas, take it easy man. You can't move around so quickly!"

"You weren't so concerned last night!"

"Whatever." Castiel grimaced in pain but relaxed when he felt Dean wrap his arms around his chest, pulling him into a bear hug and kissing the back of his ears before nibbling tenderly at the back of his neck.

"At least let me check your bandages, Cas."

"I'm fine Dean, anyway we need to meet Sam at lunch, we can't stay in bed all day, and anyway laziness is a sin."

"Well so is lust and I'm lusting for you right now…so we're even, unless that makes us both sinful beings."

"Whatever Dean." Cas turned and placed an uncertain kiss on Dean's freckled cheek, aware that he was only wearing boxers and a bandage, before turning to the bathroom.

"Oh, Cas!"

"Yes?" Castiel turned and tilted his head a little, wondering whether Dean was going to attempt to get him back in bed again.

"There's been a slight change of plan, Sam isn't coming up here to meet us, we are going to head over to … to meet up with Bobby. He's found me and Sammy a hunting job and he'll take care of you while we're out." Dean saw that Cas was about to protest so interjected quickly. "Don't worry, he's a great guy. A little rough around the edges but his heart's in the right place and he'll make sure you're alright. He's the one who dealt with your brother."

"Can't I come with you and Sam? You can teach me how to be a hunter." Dean took a few seconds to formulate a believable answer.

"Not this time, it's a bear that's gone rouge, real dangerous and you are injured. We don't need you getting knocked about when you are still healing. "

"Sam's hurt too! He got shot for me."

"Yeah, well he's used to it. End of discussion Cas, I'm sorry but you are staying with Bobby and that's final. I'm not gonna leave you there; I'll be right back in less than two days…probably. He's been like a father to me and Sam, you'll like him."

"Fine." Cas couldn't help but feel a bit resentful and bitter but knew that Dean had his best intentions at heart, but still, that didn't stop him from disappearing into the bathroom so quickly that Dean didn't get to apologize further.

"Shit."

When Castiel finally emerged, steam billowing out behind him as he left the bathroom, he was fully dressed and giving a very uncertain smile, well a twitch of his lips really.

"Sorry Dean, of course I'll stay with your friend. I'd do anything for you."

"Well, let's start of with a kiss then." Cas' cheeks flushed but he allowed Dean to push him against a wall where they began to kiss each other deeply, Cas wrapping his arms around Dean's broad shoulders and not pulling away until Dean did.

"Right then, breakfast first, then we need to hit the road."

"You and your food."

"You calling me fat?" Dean gave a mock offended look before throwing a few random poses and his blue steel pout, causing Cas to really smile. They then headed down to breakfast where Dean ate a huge slice of apple pie and Cas picked at a bowl of fruit.

_Does anyone around me eat properly? Sam lives off salad, Cas lives off fruit, it can't be healthy!_

The car journey over to Bobby's was uneventful, with Dean singing Lynard Skynard and Castiel staring out of the window, looking over at Dean on occasion and being rewarded each time with a reassuring smile or a squeeze on the leg.

When they finally arrived outside Bobby's cabin Castiel looked ready to do a runner, there was something about the run down exterior and the overgrown garden that reminded him of the cottage.

"Dean, please, I…"

"Don't judge a book by how it’s bound Cas, Bobby's great. Sometimes you've just got to face the places that scare you man. C'mon. Are you with me?" Dean extended one of his battle scarred, calloused hands and took Cas' smaller one, gently leading him forward and pulling him close to his own side so Cas felt safer. When he felt Cas freeze he placed a small peck on his jawline, which seemed to snap Cas out of it.

"Ok, I'm with you. I guess we've come this far anyway."

Castiel hovered slightly behind Dean on Bobby's porch whilst the hunter rapped four times on the door, which swung open after a few moments. Before Cas knew what was happening both he and Dean had been doused in what seemed to be water.

"Bobby!" Dean let out a low hiss, usually he would protest that he wasn't a demon, but he could hardly do that in front of Cas, so instead he began to laugh over enthusiastically.

"Hey Dean, sorry. Thought it would be funny but I kinda forgot that you have an extra. You must be Castiel?"

Cas wiped a strand of damp hair out of his eyes and stared at Dean in disbelief. Dean was really going to make him stay with this mad-man? For a start he looked like he could snap Cas in half with one hand, for a second thing he stank of beer and for a third, he was clearly raving mad. There were symbols painted on the walls, salt lines by the doors and windows and it looked as if the man hadn't dusted in decades.

"H-hello." Cas tried to make himself as small as possible by hiding behind Dean, but this didn't really work considering Dean was now giving Bobby a brief but strong hug.

"Well ya gonna stand there like a lemon all day?" Cas didn't bother to respond, instead following Dean inside, scooting around Bobby and avoiding eye contact.

"Heya Sammy." Dean perched on the edge of the armchair which Sam was sitting on.

"Hi Dean, I've just been doing some research." There was something in Sam's tone that Cas couldn't pick out but before he could glance at the screen of Sam’s laptop its lid was being shut.

"So how have you two been?" Sam hadn't missed Dean's euphoric post-sex smile and allowed himself a small smile. It was clear that Dean was smitten with Castiel, even if he was a few years younger. They do say that age has no influence on true love.

"We're good, aren't we Cas?" Castiel tilted his head as if he wanted to say that he was anything but good at that moment in time, but instead he conceded with an almost silent yes.

Bobby then entered the room with four beers in hand, chucking one to Sam and Dean before passing one to Castiel. He couldn't believe that the boy was still hanging around with the Winchesters, they didn't usually do baggage but by the looks of things he and Dean had gotten close. Dean spent his life drooling over busty blondes and brunettes but maybe he batted for both sides. Dean and a boy…a terrified boy with a lot of issues. And a pretty, big-blue-eyed boy at that, who knew?

"You gonna sit down, boy?" Cas was about to protest that he wasn't a 'boy,' but bit his tongue, instead giving a signature tilt of his head in acknowledgement before settling down on a wooden chair.

"So then boys, when ya gonna head out?"

"Now's good." Dean could see that if he left things any longer then Cas would try to talk him out of leaving, and besides, he had a poltergeist to hunt. They had taken over a week off hunting now and there was not point delaying the inevitable. He and Sammy would have to return to hunting soon and they were somehow going to have to tell Castiel, or send him away somewhere else. However, Dean knew the latter was not an option. Cas needed him, trusted him and loved him. There was no way in hell that Dean was going to abandon Cas now that he had just begun to let his guard down. It was clear that Cas was still shaken from what had happened, even of Bobby, and Dean knew that leaving him to fend for himself would destroy what little progress they had made.

"Yep, time to hunt some…" _evil sons of bitches,_ "bears." Dean gave Sam a little shove to let him know that he was serious about leaving right then and his younger brother stood up, picking up the two fully packed duffels that he had sorted out that morning.

"Coming Dean. Seya soon Castiel."

"Sam, Dean, I…" Cas was shut up when Dean pulled him tight to his chest and squeezed his shoulders gently.

"You'll be fine. Two days, I promise." Cas went stiff, feeling that Sam and Bobby were exchanging looks of disbelief. The both knew that something was going on but Dean was never really one for public affection, deeming it too chick flick and here he was initiating a hug in the middle of a room full of his family.

However, when he realized that Dean wasn't going to let go until he was certain he was ok, Castiel returned the embrace with awkward, fumbling arms.

He then watched as Dean pulled away and walked out of the door without looking back, knowing that if he did the look on Cas' face would be soul destroying.

After the familiar revving of the Impala Bobby turned his attention to Castiel, who was perched on the edge of the sofa as if he was about to take flight.

"You alright boy? Ya look like y've seen a ghost or summin."

"I'm fine thank you, Sir."

"Sir? I aint no sir, Bobby's good enough for me."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it, I won't do it again." The familiar words slipped past Cas' lips like second nature and he winced a little, realizing just how much he was at this strangers mercy.

"I'm really not going to hurt you lad, I might look big, bad and ugly but my bark’s worse than my bite, not that I want you telling those Winchesters that!" Cas didn't know how to respond so instead he gave a slight nod and uncurled himself a little to show that he was listening.

"That's better. Just think, I was the one who sorted everything out with your brother and all that, I'm sorry about what happened to you though, no-on deserves that!"

"Thank you."

"Huh?"

"That is the correct term isn't it?"

"Well yeah, I wasn't asking for thanks though, I just want you to loosen up a bit." Cas tilted his head, thinking that he was being a lot 'looser' than normal but he didn't bother commenting, instead taking a small sip of his beer. He didn't want to drink much; he still regretted his last escapade with that liquor store, but at the same time he didn't want to be rude.

"That's better, anyway, shall I show you to your room? It's nothing much but I gave it a quick spruce up." Cas nodded and stood, glad to be able to walk off some of his nervous energy. He just wanted to leave, for Dean to come back and take him hunting with them. Basically, anything but this, but here he was walking up some creaky wooden staircase, trying to take in all of the strange symbols on the wall.

"What are all those paintings?" Curiosity won over Castiel's fear for a moment; although he immediately worried that he had overstepped some invisible line, as well as a salt one.

"Ever heard of modern art?" The look on Castiel's face showed Bobby that he had not, and he was glad, at least Cas was so naïve that he would be able to explain the symbols away as some sort of post-modernist expressionism or something.

"Yeah, it's kind of like graffiti, but in the name or art. You express yourself with it…" _or you stop demons and other sons of bitches from getting in, or out._

"Oh, I like them, I guess. They're quite attractive really."

"Thanks."

Bobby wandered down the landing and opened the door to his guest bedroom, which usually housed Sam and Dean. He had cleared out all of the spellbooks, and the diaries of various hunters, which were now stashed in his own bedroom in a precarious pile which traveled halfway up the wall.

"So, this is you." Bobby gesticulated in the general direction of the room and chucked one of Cas' bags onto the double bed, giving Cas an encouraging smile.

"Anyway, I was gonna put some stew on for dinner, are you alright with that?"

"Yes, that's perfect. Do you want me to help you?"

"Sure, just don't get under my feet to much, eh." Castiel didn't pick up on Bobby's sarcastic sense of humor and thought that maybe he shouldn't go down and help, but Bobby beckoned for him to get off the bed and come back downstairs.

Soon they were both preparing the meal, Cas working on the potatoes whilst Bobby attacked a piece of lamb with the sharpest knife he could find. Cas recoiled away from the potatoes every time he heard the sharp metal hitting the chopping board, a fact which Bobby didn't fail to notice. The senses of a hunter were sharp, sharper than the nine inch blade he was holding.

"I've done the potatoes."

Bobby was about to reply with a request for Cas to do the carrots when he sliced his own thumb. Bobby swore loudly and gasped.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Bobby looked down at the blood which was gushing from the deep gash on his thumb.

"I am not kidding you." Castiel looked completely baffled wondering whether he had done anything wrong. Then he saw Bobby, with his face screwed up with what Cas assumed was rage, brandishing a blood covered knife.

Castiel felt panic rising, suddenly Bobby's face morphed into Lucifer's and Cas waited for the pain to come, stumbling back a few paces and tripping up over one of the wooden chairs, hitting his head hard against a kitchen cabinet and curling up into the smallest ball possible. He was vaguely aware of someone talking to him in a low, comforting voice and for a moment he assumed it was Dean, but then he remembered that Dean had left him behind.

"No, please don't. N-no, I'm sorry. So sorry, please don't…" Bobby stared as Cas began to plead for his life in a mantra that seemed all too familiar to the boy. It was as if he had memorized the chant from using it so many times, a thought that made Bobby feel sick. He had faced damn-near every monster out there but it was the idea of a human doing this to another human that made him feel truly sick.

"Hey, it's alright. Castiel? It's me, Bobby. Lucifer isn't here; no one is going to hurt you. CASTIEL!" Cas didn't seem to be able to hear him, instead rocking his body back and forth, sobbing harder and attempting to shield his head and chest from the blows that were surely going to rain down on him.

"Please don't. I won't do it again. I won't. I won't. I won't. Please don't hurt me!"

"I won't hurt you. Relax, you need to breathe Cas." Castiel was shaking with the effort that it was taking for him to breathe, no matter how rapidly or deeply he panted he didn't seem to be able to get enough air into his lungs.

Bobby saw that Castiel was hyperventilating and forced himself to get a grip and do something, grabbing a paper sandwich bag and reaching forward to attempt to give it to Castiel. However Cas cringed away from Bobby's hand and let out a strangled cry, finally fainting and slumping to the ground when a wave of dizziness washed over him. With a sigh Bobby grabbed a cloth and wrapped it around his thumb before scooping Cas' tiny, crumpled form up, carrying him up to bed and lying him down in the recovery position.

For a while he debated tucking the boy in, he did look ridiculously vulnerable after all, but that would be, as Dean called it, too chick-flick so instead he pulled up the blankets and threw them over the boy. He then perched on the edge of the bed and waited for the Cas to wake up, which he did a few seconds later, although to Bobby it seemed like hours.

Castiel was pale and covered in a sheen of sweat, his eyes were wide but he looked less distressed than earlier.

"You feeling any better?"

""Yes, I, um sorry."

"No problem…woah there, settle down. You just went and passed out on me, relax a bit. I'll bring up some dinner for you; do you think you'll be alright?"

"I'm fine, I didn't mean to - you know."

"Don't worry about it. Just get some rest." Bobby turned and walked back down stairs, _God, I thought that looking after the Winchester kids was a handful when they were young; this is a whole other ball game. How on earth am I meant to deal with this?_

* * *

Sam and Dean pulled up outside an old office block, quickly checking the address that Bobby had given them earlier. Sam nodded, confirming that they were in the right place and put down the tabloid newspaper that he had been reading.

"29 Year Old Female Jumps From Roof…Did A Stressful Office Job Lead Her To Go A Step Too Far?"

"This is us, ready?"

"Let's kick some ass Sammy boy." Both brothers exchanged a sarcastic grin before grabbing their duffels and clambering out of the safety of the Impala…


	2. Chapter 2

_But you really need to listen to me_   
_Because I'm telling you the truth_   
_I mean this, I'm okay!_   
_(Trust Me)_

_I'm not okay_   
_I'm not okay_   
_Well, I'm not okay_   
_I'm not o-fucking-kay_   
_I'm not okay_   
_I'm not okay_   
_(Okay)_

Dean rounded a corner, narrowly avoiding a desk and giving the room a quick cursory glance over, although he was not particularly hopeful. This was the fifth identical work area that he had searched, each room just as clinically clean as the last, and the next one to come. Dean swore. He couldn't find a bloody poltergeist in a building practically made of glass, despite the privacy barriers between each desk that didn’t really offer any privacy at all. This was so not his day.

He grabbed a rubber band ball and threw it against the wall a couple of times to release some tension before nicking a couple of pens and pencils and leaving the room. Never turn down free stationary…especially if Sammy is your little brother and you spend your life writing in a hunter’s journal or doodling demonic symbols to be sent off to Bobby.

He saw Sammy searching through a drawer in the next room over and decided to join his younger brother. There was nothing suspicious going on and even though Bobby thought it was a poltergeist, the EMF signal was so weak that Dean was certain the case was a bust.

"Heya Sammy." Dean chucked the rubber band ball at his brother, who caught it with one hand without even looking up.

"Show off."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

"Hey, check this out." Sam passed over a set of business cards held together by another elastic band.

"Hell yeah, look at the chest on her!"

"Dean, that's Julia McGee."

"As in…"

"The one that is currently six feet under."

"Oh, guess I'm not taking her out for a drink then."

"No, I guess not. See anything important in there?" Sam continued to search the drawers whilst Dean flipped the card over and read the fancy lettering advertising Julia's excellent typing skills, dedication and hard-working attitude.

"Nope, nada. Hey check this!" Sam looked up to see Dean perched on the photocopier with his legs wide open, one hand propping him up and the other slowly unbuttoning the collar of his shirt. He then pouted, giving his best blue steel look and flicking his head as if he had long hair like Sam…or a girl in a shampoo advert.

"Cut it out Dean, someone died here!" Sam had to bite back his laughter and attempted to put on a stem voice, but when Dean began to lean further back against the photocopier and began to groan Sam couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"Save it for Cas."

"Don't you worry, I will." With a wink Dean hopped down from the photocopier and headed out of the room.

"Coming little brother?"

"Yeah, what's the hurry all of a sudden?"

"I'm worried about Cas."

"He's with Bobby, he'll be fine."

"I hope so, I just feel bad for leaving him so soon y'know. He's still only just getting over everything and Bobby's a bit well, y'know…Bobbyish."

"Well we can head back now, there's nothing here so we might as well head home."

"Yeah, I could so do with a beer. Or two."

"You could always do with a beer or two…or three, or four."

"Bitch."

"Jerk." Sam and Dean made their way back down the stairway, which smelled of overpowering cheap detergent and went out of the backdoor. They only managed to get a few paces out of the door when an explosive force sent both Winchester brothers flying across the car park, all the way over to another office block which was under renovation. The brothers found themselves falling down a deep hole leading to one of the concrete foundations of the building, neither had the opportunity to think about cocking their salt-loaded guns, let alone pulling the trigger.

Dean was only vaguely aware of his world turning black.

* * *

 

When the sensation of flying finally stopped and Sam found himself crashing into something soft he groaned and tried to make sense of what just happened. At least being thrown across a car park into a hole revealed why they had not found any EMF readings inside the office block, it seemed to be the outer block that was haunted, which in itself would suggest that they were dealing with a ghost rather than a poltergeist.

"Dean, are you alright?" Sam shifted and tried to look around but it was difficult in such a dark, confining space. Nothing was ever easy.

"Dean?" Sam shifted fully when he realised that his landing had been soft because he had landed on his older brother, who was showing no signs of moving.

"Dean!" Sam quickly scrambled for a pulse on Dean's neck and let out an audible sigh of relief when he realised that his brother's heart was still beating.

"Dean wake up!" Carefully lifting Dean up a little in an attempt to check out his brother's injuries, Sam gave him a gentle shake, relief flooding through him when he saw an emerald eye flutter open and blink at him.

"M'fine, was just resting."

"Sure you were, Dean." Sam allowed himself a small smile; if Dean was well enough to laugh and joke then his injuries couldn't be too bad. "Seriously man, are you alright?"

"Apart from feeling like I have been hit over the head and side with a brick, and had your fat ass on top of me, I'm Peachy." That was as good as a written confession to Sam.

"Dean, let me take a look."

"It's not that bad, just bruised. Hurts like a bitch though. Anyway, how are you doing?"

"Apart from being stuck in a hole with my idiot of a big brother, I'm great."

"Good, now then, how are we going to get out of here?" Sam gesticulated at the hole above them with a roll of his eyes that Dean barely saw due to how it was getting even darker ridiculously quickly.

"Thank you Captain Obvious. Yep, that's how you got into Stanford. Any other wise suggestions?"

"Can I rephrase my statement about being stuck in a hole with my idiot of a big brother to idiot of a big brother that keeps asking stupid questions?"

"Bitch, do you think you can climb out if I give you a leg up?"

"Dude, I’m not that tall!"

"The one time I need you to be a gigantor and you aren't tall enough. Typical. Maybe we could stretch you out a bit."

"Ha, ha. Very funny." The sarcasm was dripping from Sam's tone and he looked as if he was either about to laugh or shout at Dean for being an idiot.

"Well?"

"We'll have to call Bobby."

"But he's looking after Cas."

"I'm sure he'll be able to make up an excuse for going out and then we can make our own way back a couple of hours after him so Castiel doesn't expect anything, we need to do some research on these grounds anyway so we know who to torch, I guess this is a ghost rather than a poltergeist considering the fact that it seems to be haunting a certain area rather than just randomly causing havoc and moving things."

"Yeah, I think I'll classify a woman jumping from an office block being a bit more serious than some spirit hell-bent on harassing people by hiding their stapler or moving the photocopier while someone is having sex on it!"

"Dean, I hate to ruin this for you but nobody actually does that, it is only in the movies."

"A man can always dream dude, anyway, I'm glad we're agreed then." Sam pulled his mobile phone out of his jeans pocket and flipped it open, groaning when it revealed that he had no signal. He then reached into another pocket and pulled out a second phone.

No signal.

By the time he had emptied both of their jacket’s pockets of three more phones he sighed in resignation, watching slightly amused when Dean, who was battling his own mobile, began to swear at it and hit it against the side of the hole, threatening to shoot its sorry ass if it didn't wake up and do what it was made to do. No he did not want to do a Sudoku or track his period, he wanted to make a damn phone call.

"I thought I told you not to mess with my other, other phone anyway."

"I didn't?!" Sam attempted to pull the puppy dog eye look but realised that a) it wouldn't work, b) Dean couldn't see him and c) it was true, he had installed a period tracker on Dean's phone in revenge for when Dean had left his laptop frozen on bustyasianbeauties. com a few weeks ago. In fact he was surprised that Dean hadn't noticed earlier.

"Sure, my phone installed an app on its own; it developed a conscience and everything and starts ringing phone sex lines of its own accord. This thing's new Sam, the only time I indulge in modern technology and you piss around with it."

"Stranger things have happened to us! And, you piss around with my laptop all the time watching Asian cartoon porn."

"No I don't! And it's called hentai."

"Whatever."

"Sooooo…"

"I guess we're just gonna have to wait for Bobby. He'll come looking in a couple of days."

"Well that's just peachy." Dean shuffled around and drew his knees to his chest in an attempt to get warm.

"What are you doing? Are you ok?" _Yeah, sure I'm ok, my side hurts like a son of a bitch and I am stuck in a hole._

"Of course I'm ok, just getting comfy, by the looks of things we're gonna be down here a while so I for one am gonna get some shut-eye."

* * *

 

Castiel sat at the dining room table, flicking through one of the many old books he had seen lying around. Bobby had told him not to touch anything but Cas didn't see what harm could come from reading a book, so he did just that. After reading the first three pages a baffled look passed across Cas' features and he tilted his head in confusion. It seemed to be about something called a Wendigo, whatever the hell that was. Cas was about to find out when Bobby entered the room and snatched the book from his hands, making Cas jump violently.

"What did I say about not touching anything?"

"I-um, sorry. I just thought…sorry."

"Why don't you come and help me with the cars, I am fixing up a right beauty at the moment."

"Of course, I'd be happy to help." Cas followed Bobby out into the yard and passed over whatever tools Bobby called for, glad to be of some use for once. He was fed up of being a burden, or a waste of space as Lucifer had enjoyed calling him. He just wanted Sam and Dean to get back from killing that bear quickly so that they could leave this place. More than anything he wanted his side to get better so that he could join them on the hunts. He didn't really like the idea of hunting, but anything was better than being confined in one place or another.

Cas had spent years imprisoned in a hole in the wall, and now he was as good as trapped in a stranger's home. The only time he truly felt safe was when he was with the Winchester's and he couldn't wait to be with them when he was properly healed. It was a ridiculous situation.

Soon Castiel's attention began to drift and Bobby had to ask him for a wrench four times before the tool was handed to him.

"You alright lad? You look a bit peaky, not gonna pass out on me again?"

"No, I was just thinking."

"Too hard by the looks of things, do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm just worried about Dean…and Sam. I just, they make me feel safe."

"Yeah, they're good kids. They'll be fine and back before you know it, I'd enjoy the peace while you can if I were you."

"Hmmm. I just have a bad feeling, that's all. It's as if something is wrong and I can't do anything about it."

"There's nothing wrong. The boys have faced a lot worse in their time. They will be back tomorrow. You're probably just tired, go inside and get some shut-eye. I'll let you know if they call or anything." Castiel was about to protest that it was only seven in the evening but decided against complaining, at least it was an excuse to be left alone.

With a small sigh Castiel stripped down to his boxers and curled up into the bed, which seemed surprisingly cold when he didn't have Dean's arms wrapped around him. In an attempt to make up for it Cas hugged a pillow tight to his chest and closed his eyes, imagining that it was Dean beside him rather than a bundle of confined feathers. There was something sad about a feather pillow in Cas' mind, to him it felt as if they should belong to a bird, or an angel. They should be soaring weightless, high in the sky. It seemed wrong for the wings to be clipped, so to speak.

Soon Cas was asleep, but his dreams were plagued by flashes of his parents, then Lucifer and then Dean.

_"Go on Castiel sweetie, why don't you play hide and seek with us, you hide and I'll count." Castiel nodded up at his mother, giving her a quick cuddle before hurrying into the hallway, which was suddenly narrower and darker than usual, and covered in a mix of dust and cobwebs. Fear mounting inside him, Cas crawled into a cupboard, leaving it ajar so he could still hear his mother's soft voice._

_"Five, four, three, two, one…I'm coming, you can't escape me now." Mid-sentence Castiel's mother's voice seemed to change, it deepened and all traces of love in her tone had vanished._

_"I'm coming to get you, you filthy waste of space. Where are you? I'm going to find you." Castiel realised that the voice he was hearing no longer belonged to his mother, it was Lucifer's and now the cupboard door swung wide open._

_"Ah Cassie, shall we have some fun?" Lucifer leered at him, pulling a sharp, bloody knife out of his jacket pocket and twirling it between two fingers._

_"Please don't!" Castiel began to cry and closed his eyes in an attempt to block out the pain, his hands reaching up to protect his face._

_"SHUT UP. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE." Cas heard the swish of the knife being brought down and then a loud bang…what?_

_The cupboard door had slammed shut and Cas was plunged into darkness, apart from a circle of light above him. Castiel desperately tried to reach the light, scrambling up to it and letting out a distressed cry when it seemed to grow further away._

_Suddenly, Cas' vision flipped and he was standing in the light, looking down into a deep black hole and at the bottom he could see a wide pair of emerald green eyes staring up at him. Dean._

_"Cas, Cas you've got to help me. I can't get out."_

_Castiel nodded and began to climb down the hole, trying to find footholds in the sides of the mud. After an eternity he reached the bottom of the hole, only to find a skeleton at the bottom, dressed in a leather jacket and a pair of jeans that hung limply from the stiff frame._

_"No!" Cas scrambled at the body, finding a letter in Dean's jacket pocket._

_He began to read it._

_'You should have saved me. You should have gotten me out Cas. I was trapped down here and I waited for you. I kept waiting and you didn't come. You never came. I'll never forgive you for this Casitel. Never forgive. Dean.'_

"NO!" Castiel jerked awake with a start and stared confused around the room. _Where am I?_

"Dean! Dean, where are you?" Castiel swung out of bed frantically searching for Dean, but there was no sign that he was there. Then Cas remembered that the Winchesters were out hunting somewhere.

"Hey, quit yelling boy, it's six in the morning! What's wrong? Dean's hunting." Bobby was about to continue on a tirade about how he hadn't gone to bed until 4 and had only had two hours sleep, but the look on Cas' face stopped him in his tracks.

"It's Dean, he's in trouble. Something's happened."

"What do you mean? Did he call?"

"No, I…I had a dream. He's trapped somewhere dark. He needs us."

"A dream?" Bobby looked incredulous, god he was too old to be dealing with idjits having psychotic meltdowns.

"I'm not kidding you. It's true…I just know he is hurt."

"Cas, I think you need to lie down." Bobby raised his hands in a placating manner and Cas realised that the older man though that he was having some sort of emotional breakdown, that he was cracking up.

"I'm not mad. I'm perfectly sane, but then 94% of psychotics think they are perfectly sane, so I guess we have to ask ourselves what is sane...but that's not the point. You've got to believe me. Please! Can you just call them, I need to hear that he is ok, and then I promise I won't mention it again."

"Fine, ok. I'll call them. Just, uh, lie down ok. You look like you're going to collapse…again." Castiel frowned but nodded, noticing that his hands were trembling violently. Bobby pulled out his mobile phone from his shirt pocket and dialed Dean's first number, then his second and then finally started on Sam's numbers.

"Balls."

"What?"

"The idjits aren't picking up." Castiel blanched.

"We have to go and find them. They are trapped somewhere…somewhere dark. They need us, we have to go and get them."

"Fine, I'll go look for them. You stay here and get some rest."

"No way. I'm coming."

"No you're not. You look like the living dead, trust me. Get some damn sleep."

"No!" Castiel got up and walked downstairs, opening the front door and waiting expectantly for Bobby to follow.

"I'm not coming until you go back upstairs."

"I'll just…wait here then."

"Balls." Bobby accepted defeat and grabbed his bag, storming past Cas and throwing it into the back of his truck.

"Thanks."

"You better not faint on me."

"I won't." Bobby drove in silence, pulling up at some office blocks, which earned him a confused look.

"I thought they were hunting a bear."

"Uh…yeah but then they got a call from a security company asking them to check out this office. They have a few family businesses, security is one of them." Well, it wasn't a complete lie.

"Oh, shall we go in then?"

"I guess. Just don't do anything stupid."

Bobby entered the office first, checking each room and pulling out an EMF reader when Cas was looking the other way. From what he could make out, the readings were higher nearer windows and fire exits and by the looks of things the poltergeist was not a poltergeist, but a ghost haunting the grounds. Balls.

"Right, well they ain't here. Let's check outside." Bobby drew out a couple of salt loaded guns and passed one over to Castiel, who dropped it in shock.

"Just in case." Bobby waited for Castiel to pick up the gun, but he didn't.

"I-I cant." Images of Lucifer's bloody body flew through Cas' mind and he took a couple of steps back.

"Tough, you have to." Castiel felt tears well up in his eyes.

"I don’t participate in aggressive activity, not anymore. I killed my brother; I can't shoot anything or anyone else. It is wrong."

"If something comes at you, you shoot it, boy. Understand?" Bobby grimaced. He was tired and didn't have time for this.

"I don’t want to fight."

"You did before, and you will again."

“I-I don’t fight anymore."

"Yes, you do. Come on." Bobby then braced himself and walked out of the fire exit.

* * *

 

Dean groaned when he first woke up and checked his phone. 6am. Great, Bobby won't go looking for us at least until tomorrow.

"Dean?"

"Morning Sammy, rise and shine sleepyhead."

"Ugh, what time is it?"

"Five."

"Well, how are we going to pass the time?"

"Eye spy. I spy with my little eye, something beginning with S."

"Soil."

"Fine…you're turn."

"Dean, we're in a hole, there is nothing down here."

"Don't be a bitch."

"Fine, D."

"Dean?"

"No."

"Dirt."

"Yep…wow this is a riveting game Dean."

"Quit it with the sarcasm, it isn't very becoming…something beginning with…"

"There is nothing else down here."

"Fine…

_And I drank enough whiskey to float a battleship around,_   
_But I'm leavin' this game one step ahead of you,_   
_And you will not hear me cry 'cause I do not sing the blues._   
_Gimme back my bullets,_   
_Put 'em back where they belong._   
_Ain't foolin' around 'cause I done had my fun,_   
_Ain't gonna see no more damage done.”_

"Really Dean, Lynyrd Skynyrd?"

"I could sing you some Metallica or Black Sabbath if you prefer…how about Paranoid?"

"NO! No, this is fine."

"Good." Dean continued to sing and Sam buried his head in his hands. God, Bobby could not come quick enough.

* * *

 

"Do you hear that?"

"What, Cas, what do you hear?"

"Singing." Bobby frowned and listened hard, finally picking up the lyrics to Lynyrd Skynyrd's Simple Man.

"Looks like we found them. I told you to enjoy the peace while you could." Both men hurried over to the source of the noise, Bobby looking incredulous when he saw a deep, dark hole. Castiel had been right, the Winchesters were trapped somewhere dark. _Well I'll be damned._

"Hey idjits. How the hell did you get down there?"

"Bobby?"

"The one and only. What happened?"

"We fell down a hole."

"We got pushed down a hole."

"Hey Sammy."

"Hi Bobby, can you get us out now that we are done with the pleasantries?"

"How do you suggest I do that? What do I look like, a fireman who’s going to lift you out? What do you think this is, an animal rescue service?"

"Look, just get us out before I have to listen to another rendition of Simple Man…please!"

"Fine…Cas, can you pass me that rope over there?"

"CAS IS HERE?!"

"Tell me about it, boy wouldn't take no for an answer. He's stubborn like you, a match made in heaven!"

"But he could have…"

"Well, the ghost isn't here now so…" Bobby shut off when he heard Castiel approach.

"Here you go." After a lot of huffing and puffing Bobby and Cas managed to haul Dean out, deciding that he should get out before Sam as he weighed less and he could help lift Sam's oversized body out. Soon both ashen faced Winchesters, along with a gasping Cas and Bobby, were sat in the car park.

"Guess we'd better head off before anyone comes then."

"I guess." All four men stood, Castiel resuming his rightful place beside Dean and they began to head off, the three hunters holding their guns close just in case.

"Personal space Cas!" Dean joked; he was in high spirits now that he was out of that hole…and talking of spirits…

Castiel stared in amazement when he saw Bobby and Sam being flung into the air, by nothing.

"Dean! What?"

Everything went cold. Castiel felt as if he had just walked straight into a freezer, but he hadn't. He was outside in a car park and the sun was beginning to rise. When the black and white image of a woman materialised in front of Castiel and wrapped her hands around his neck Castiel knew he had lost it. Bobby had been right; he must be in that 94% of psychotics who didn't realise they were mad. But now he did, he had joined the other 6%. He was mad, there was no other explanation for the fact that he was seeing dead women in torn clothes trying to kill him. But if it was just a vision, why did Cas' throat hurt and why couldn't he breathe?

Questions ran through Castiel's mind but he couldn't process any more information, his brain was shutting down, through lack of oxygen or madness, he didn't know. For a brief moment Castiel saw Dean point his gun at him, maybe he was a hazard now that he was mad…and then there was a gunshot.

Castiel fell to the floor.

"Cas, Cas are you ok?" Castiel stared in bewilderment at the empty space in front of him where he had imagined a ghost to be. All that remained in her place was a sprinkling of white fairy dust…or salt, Castiel couldn't tell. And to be honest, he didn't care. He was mad, insane and Dean would never want to spend the rest of his life with an insane person, no matter how good and pure his heart was.

"Cas? Cas, we need to talk." That was it; Dean was going to dump him.

"What…I…" Castiel stared up at Dean and began to cry when he heard those dreaded words.

"Please don't." Dean looked slightly confused but carried on regardless.

"Cas, the thing is, um...there is no easy way to say this. That was a ghost."

_Yes, I am insane. Barking mad. I wonder if they will lock me up in a white padded room, chain me to a bed or something. I guess it won't make much difference either way… I should be used to it by now, I have spent enough time being locked away to adjust._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think xxx


	3. Chapter 3

_So serious I've got to take you home again tonight,_   
_'Cos right now you paralyze me with your smile._   
_As your wings discard their feathers on the ground,_   
_I see a halo, up above you._   
_My crazy angel._

_I hold on so hard,_   
_And pray that I won't say something wrong._   
_I look at the stars,_   
_And dream that the universe was ours,_   
_My crazy angel._

"Castiel, are you with me? Can you hear me Cas?" Dean knelt down next to Castiel, who had slumped to the ground and was mumbling something about being mad.

"You're not mad Cas, I promise you. I'm so sorry but that was real, she was a ghost, a real ghost. You are not imagining things. All those things that you thought went bump in the night when you were a kid, well they are real and they do. Monsters, witches, vampires, werewolves…you name it…psycho clowns!"

Dean's attempt at humour went down like a lead balloon and Castiel continued to look shell shocked. Carefully Dean edged forward and pulled Cas into a gentle hug, pulling back immediately when Cas let out a small shriek and flinched away. Dean didn't have a clue what to do.

Sam, who had managed roll back onto his front and then stand, hobbled over to Bobby, who was sitting up and looking rather disheveled.

"Hey Bobby, you ok?"

"M'fine. Where's my hat?"

"Here…" Sam passed Bobby his cap and helped the older hunter up with one hand. They both turned to look at Cas and Dean, who were bent down on the floor.

"Shit, are they hurt?"

"I don't think so…ghost was too busy kicking our asses to get to them as well."

"But why…" Sam cut off when he got close enough to hear Cas' frantic words and Dean's futile attempts to calm the younger boy down.

"That's not true, it can't be true. There's no such thing. I'm mad, this is mad…this isn't real."

"It is!" Exasperation was beginning to seep into his voice, merging with desperation to create an almost pleading tone.

"Not real…not real."

"I'm sorry but it is. You have to listen to me Cas, I understand that you're scared and I understand if you don't want to have anything to do with us anymore, but ghosts are real and there is one haunting this car park that we need to sort out."

Sam carefully made his way over, being careful not to make any loud noises as he settled down next to Castiel and placed a gentle hand on his back, once again making Castiel flinch away from the human contact.

"Cas, Dean's right. He's telling the truth. It's what we do…how we found you. We heard rumors that there was a ghost haunting the cottage, screaming and we came to check it out. Obviously you weren't a ghost and we haven't been hunting since cos we've been looking after you, but this case needed to be sorted. A woman died here because of that ghost." Castiel stood back up and took a few steps away from Dean and Sam, looking terrified.

"This isn't true. This is God's punishment for what I have done. He's made me mad, put demons and the Devil's thoughts in my head to torture and confuse me."

"No he didn't Cas, that's not true. You know it isn't. You don't deserve to be punished at all."

"I do. I'm a bad person."

"Cas!"

"Get away from me…you're not real. You're a figment of my imagination. You're too perfect to be real, nothing good ever happens to me, I made you up in my head to keep me company, to protect myself from the outside world and everything I have done wrong."

"Castiel!" Bobby decided that it was his turn to try and convince Castiel that this was real but Castiel just seemed to withdraw further into himself.

"Lucifer drove me mad; I'm having a psychotic breakdown. I probably never left the inside of that wall; maybe I'll wake up and find that Lucifer just hit me on the head really hard. Yes, that's what happened."

"Cas, look at me. Look at me, please." Dean took a few steps over to Castiel and finally managed to grasp the younger man's arm.

"Look into my eyes Cas. I'm real. This isn't fake." Castiel blinked up at Dean and felt himself begin to doubt his previous suspicions.

"Really?"

"Really." Dean slid his leather jacket off and draped it over Cas' shoulders and pulled Cas' head into his chest, allowing the younger man to breathe in his familiar scent and listen to his steady heartbeat, hugging him tight.

"See, I'm real Cas."

"Y-yes." Dean let out a sigh of relief and gently rubbed circles on Cas' back smiling softly when he felt Castiel's body relax and melt into him.

"There we go Cas, it's all going to be ok. Everything's alright. I’ll protect you."

"I know."

"Cas, that ghost…"

"I understand."

"It's just; I think you should know everything. Our Dad was a hunter, and our grandparents. Saving people, hunting things, it's the family business. We need to finish off this job, but you can stay at Bobby's and we will drop you off wherever you want to go. We can get you a place, I'm sure Bobby can organize the money, or we can send you to England to live with your brothers if you prefer."

"What?"

"Well, you don't want to stay do you?"

"Of course I do, I mean-if you-um, if I can."

"Well of course you can stay, it's just, this lifestyle. There's no going back."

"I want to become a hunter, like you. I can be your third wheel." The look of hope in Cas' eyes was heart breaking and Dean immediately nodded. He couldn't say no, he just couldn't. Instead, he gently placed a couple of fingers under Cas' chin and tilted his head, planting a gentle kiss on Cas' soft lips.

"You have to understand Cas, with this life, you have to leave everything behind. Otherwise there is just too much to loose."

"The only thing I have to loose is you." Castiel looked away shyly, aware that Bobby and Sam were hovering awkwardly behind them.

"Alright lovebirds, shall we get the hell out of here before this ghost comes back. We need to get on with some research and find out where the hell the body is." Cas looked slightly puzzled, well, very puzzled.

"We need to salt and burn the bones; it stops the ghost from comin’ back. Sends it off to wherever monsters go."

"You mean purgatory?" Dean, Sam and Bobby exchanged a look. They had never really given purgatory a thought.

"Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, let's head out."

The four men turned and made their way back to their respective vehicles, Bobby going the journey alone whilst Cas joined Sam and Dean in the Impala. They all went through the motions of small talk whilst Dean drove, singing along to one of Dean's rock cassettes until they pulled up Bobby's drive.

"Right, looks like we've got some research to do. Let's find out who the stiff is, I'm in the mood for a bit of a bonfire." Dean swung his legs out of the car and entered Bobby's first, grabbing four beers and slumping down in the lounge. He hated research, but hopefully they would find out who the son of a bitch was before nightfall so they could salt and burn the body that night and head out the next morning.

Hours of 'research' later Dean was staring morosely into his empty beer bottle.

"What do you mean that was your last pack?"

"I mean you've had enough if we are going on a hunt tonight." Bobby shot Dean a stern look, the boy was drinking far too much these days, since John died.

"But, I'm not even drunk."

"Yeah, exactly. Anymore and you will be…think of Castiel." Bobby added the last bit as a whisper, motioning to the man who was curled up on his side, fast asleep with his head resting on Dean's lap.

"What about him?"

"Just think, Lucifer was an abusive drunk, what the hell is Cas going to think if you go and get pissed on a regular basis."

"Fine, you win. But remember, you may be able to take my beer, but you will never take my freedom!" Dean slumped back and raised his hands in mock surrender.

"Good."

"Sam, you found anythin yet?"

"Nope."

"Dean?"

"Nada, yourself?"

"Not hide nor hair of the son of a bitch."

"Great."

"Balls." The three hunters elapsed back into silence, Dean flicking through a book so fast that Sam was convinced he couldn't be taking in a single word, Bobby rummaging through one of his old journals and Sam surfing the internet on his beloved laptop.

It wasn't until another hour had passed that Sam finally let out a cry of triumph.

"Got her. Janice Lakey, was killed in a hit and run seventy two years ago."

"So why is the dumb bitch haunting a car park. That's the one place where cars don't do much moving; surely she should haunt a motorway or something."

"Because, dumbass, the road she was hit on used to run through that car park. The office blocks were constructed when the muddy, potholed old road was bypassed and replaced with some shiny new tarmac. She is haunting the place where she died, obviously a ghost wasn't considered in the planning permission for that place."

"That still doesn't answer why she killed that other poor woman."

"Ah, I may have an answer to that one."

"What?" Bobby chucked a newspaper over to Dean, who caught it with one hand and read the headline.

Five Year Old Killed In Hit And Run Accident.

"Well, I guess that explains that one, she's haunting people who are a liability on the road which replaced her death place…cheery, she was clearly a sentimental bitch."

"Well, Julia did kill some kid."

"Hmm, but we still can't have a ghost running, well, floating about here. Where's she buried?"

"I don't know. Dean, why don't you look it up, I'm grabbing a sandwich before we head out."

"Fine, I will." Dean huffed and began to stab the laptop keys. God he hated research.

"Find her?" Sam came back into the room with a tray full of sandwiches.

"Ahh, thank you domestic goddess! Yeah, she’s resting in peace, well pieces in the local cemetery. It's only two miles from here."

"Seriously, when is our life ever that easy?"

"Yeah, well, don't complain. I'm putting that in the ain't broke column."

"Whatever, it's nearly nine, wanna head out at twelve?"

"Sure thing. I'm gonna hit the sack for a bit, while I can." Dean was about to stand when he remembered that Cas was still fast asleep on his lap.

"Or not…" Dean shuffled a little, pausing when Cas let out a small moan and finally found a comfortable position, wedging a couple of cushions under his stiff neck.

Two and a half hours later Dean was being woken up by Sam shaking his shoulder.

"Wake up man."

"Wha? Ok, ok. I'm up, god, chill." Dean wiped the sleep from his eyes and glared at Sam. Would a gentle tap on the arm have been too much to ask for?

"You wake Cas, I've packed everything up."

"Bossy bitch."

"Jerk."

"Cas, wake up Cas." Dean gingerly stroked Cas' forehead and watched as Cas stirred, raising both his hands defensively to block his head and stomach from attack.

"Chill man, just me."

"Dean?"

"Yep, we need to head out to get that ghost. You can stay here if you prefer."

"No chance." Castiel sat himself up, rubbed his eyes and stood, freeing Dean and allowing the hunter to get to his feet as well.

"Right, let's go then."

Dean grabbed his duffel and met up with Sam and Bobby in the hallway, Cas lurking a few steps behind him.

"Let's hit the road, time for a nice romantic date at the graveyard Cas, how'd ya fancy it?"

"Was that sarcasm again, Dean?"

"Uh, yes Cas, yeah it was."

"Oh, good." Bobby and Sam exchanged an amused glance before following the unlikely couple out of the door. It was strange seeing Cas' skinny figure, drowning in his beige trench coat, next to Dean, who was broad and muscular.

By the time the four reached the graveyard it was five past midnight and as sod's law would have it, it was pouring down with rain.

"So, it doesn't rain here for a week, and yet as soon as we have to spend time outdoors, it starts to piss it down. I bet you anything god is sitting up on some cloud peeing on us, or just crying with laughter at how much our lives suck!"

"Dean! Blasphemy is a sin!"

"And according to some people, so is gay sex."

"I am sure that God is utterly indifferent to your sexual orientation, or mine for that matter. What difference does it make whether a man loves another man, or a woman another woman. Love is love."

"Yeah, I agree. Obviously, that wasn't what I was getting at. Ah well, let’s get this over and done with."

Sam was the one to find the grave, waving his torch around and yelling at the others to get their attention.

"I've got her."

"Finally." Dean jogged over to his brother, pulling his sodden leather jacket tighter around himself to try and keep in a little bit of warmth. It didn't work. Soon he and Sam were up to their chests in mud He began to dig with gusto, making Sam smirk.

"You call me a girl, are you worried of getting your hair wet Deanna?"

"Shut it bitch, I'm freezing my ass off!"

"Sure you are."

"What-ha, got it." Dean's shovel made a loud clanging noise when it hit the wood of Janice's coffin.

After a quick round of rock paper scissors, with Dean inevitably choosing scissors, being beaten by Sam's rock, the older Winchester was hauling the lid off the coffin with a grim expression and with a disturbed looking Cas and an indifferent Bobby watching over him.

"Sorry love, but it really is cold and I think you can make me nice n' toasty soon."

"Dean, you're talking to a skeleton."

"Yeah, and you used to talk to your teddy bear, so we're even."

"Get on with it!"

"Almost done, this one has been as easy as pie."

"Don't speak too soon."

"Whatever."

Dean began pouring gasoline all over the body, singing Audioslave's Gasoline as he did so. Castiel couldn't believe the situation he was in. He may not be crazy, but the situation certainly was!

_House is haunted; I just want to go for a ride, out and on, before I set this room alight._   
_Left alone, forever, and for crimes unclear,_   
_With my patience gone, someone take me far from here. Yeah._   
_Burning that gasoline, yeah. Burning that gasoline._

"Dean, give me a break and shut the hell up."

"Bitch."

Sam was about to respond with the usual reply of jerk when he was thrown into the air. Great, what was Dean saying about easy and pie?!


	4. Chapter 4

_I'm an angel with a shotgun,_   
_Fighting til' the war's won,_   
_I don't care if heaven won't take me back._

_I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe._   
_Don't you know you're everything I have?_

Castiel watched wide eyed as Sam went flying past him, slumping into a tree and struggling back to his feet. Bobby and Dean soon followed and before Cas knew what had happened he to had been flung into the air, landing heavily on a gravestone. Which hurt. A lot.

"SAMMY? YOU OK LITTLE BROTHER?" Dean had scrambled back to his feet, sprinting over to the younger hunter and quickly checking him over before grabbing his salt loaded gun.

"Yeah, fine. Bobby?"

"M'fine." The three hunters stood and turned, each separately pointing and shooting their salt loaded guns into the space where the ghost had just disappeared from. They were a second too late.

"Damn it."

"Balls!"

"Cas?" Dean hurried over to Castiel, who had managed to scramble onto all fours, clinging onto his already wounded abdomen and letting out a long hiss of pain.

"Hey, Dean, are you ok?"

"I'm fine, how about you, are you hurt?"

"No, all good." Cas lied through his teeth, knowing that Dean would send him straight back to the Impala if he admitted that his side hurt like a bitch. He didn't think it was bleeding, but definitely badly bruised.

"Good, let's gank this fugly." Castiel nodded and began to stare around, checking that the ghost had not popped up out of nowhere again. When he couldn't see it he turned back to the gravestone he had landed on and made a note to himself to pray that night for Kevin Tyler when he got home, it was probably disrespectful to sprawl across a stranger's grave.

"How come it can hurt and move us like that? If it's a ghost then surely it's just vapor, or air. Or something."

"Some sorta negative pent up energy we think. Dunno really though, we've never had the opportunity to have a sit down, coffee and a chat with them. Bit annoyin’ really, I bet that would really help us on our hunts."

"DEAN!" Sam's warning came far too late and next thing Castiel knew he was sprawled next to Dean, who was lying perfectly still in an almost fetal position. It looked as if he had hit his head on a gravestone and had come off even worse than Cas had with his encounter with a huge lump of granite. Cas knelt over Dean, his heart pounding as he checked for a pulse with shaking hands.

"Castiel? Is he ok?"

"Y-yeah. I think so. He-he's breathing." Cas realized how hard he was shaking when he couldn't keep his voice straight, so he coughed in an attempt to clear his throat. Then, satisfied that he was at least half managing to pull off an I'm ok vibe, he pulled Dean into the recovery position and yanked off his trench coat and shirt, wrapping the latter around Dean's head, which was bleeding slowly from a deep gash. He then pulled his trench coat back on and buttoned it up so the others would not see the black bruising which had already appeared over his usually milk white skin. Well, milk white when he wasn't having the living daylights being beaten out of him, which was more often than not when he came to think about it.

Bobby then joined Castiel at Dean's side, giving Dean another brief once over before turning his attention back to the grave. With one hand he managed out unscrew the lid of the petrol, the other hand held tightly around his gun. However, when he had just managed to pour a few drops of oil onto the carcass, he was once again flung into the air. Just before he too blacked out Bobby wondered whether ghosts would come up with another way to kick hunters asses, being flung around by a rag doll certainly got old by the five-hundredth time.

"Shit!" Sam now took his turn, grabbing the petrol can from where Bobby had dropped it and sprinted to the grave, pouring the entire contents in before something hit him on the back of the head. Hard. Sam stared up at the contorted face of the once pretty woman who had been killed in a road traffic collision so many years ago and swore. For a moment he half believed that his wide, puppy-dog eyes would convince whatever human part of the ghost that was left that she should leave him alone. But since when were things ever that simple?

Suddenly an unbearable pressure was put on his throat and lungs when he felt ice cold hands wrapping around his neck. He struggled wildly with both of his own hands, trying to pry the ghost's fingers off before his brain switched off from a lack of oxygen, but it wasn't that easy. He was already beginning to see spots but sheer determination kept him struggling. He had to stay awake for Dean; god only knows what the ghost would do to him and his unconscious brother if it was left to its own devices. And of course, he needed to protect Castiel. As far as Sam was concerned, there was no way Cas was cut out to be a hunter. He was hardly one to talk, but Cas was an emotional wreck. You just couldn't afford to be afraid or panic during a hunt, it was suicide.

The pressure around Sam's throat seemed to intensify and the younger Winchester let out a strangled gasp. This was usually the point where Dean would burn the fucker's body and send the ghost's ass back-packing on the way back to wherever it came from. But Dean wasn’t able to come and save him this time. And wasn’t that a pain in the ass?!

_God, I can't breathe. I can't breathe! DAMMIT. Damn this all to hell._

Sam now really needed Dean to rescue him, just a few seconds before it was too late, but Dean was unconscious, and Sam would be to if this carried on for another twenty seconds.

But it didn't carry on.

Instead, Sam heard the loud blast of a shotgun. But it couldn't have been Dean, or Bobby, which left…

"Cas?" Sam doubled over gasping for breath and dry heaving, clutching at his tender throat and trying to massage air into his lungs.

"S-Sam, are you ok?" Castiel was standing tall, his back straight with Dean's gun held tight in his hands.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Sam looked confused; almost as confused as Castiel himself looked. The man that no longer wanted to fight, who wanted to avoid all conflict and guns had just managed to grab Dean's disguarded weapon and shoot a ghost right in the head. Not even point blank, he was a good ten feet away.

"I just shot a ghost." Cas' voice was measured, calm with no emotion. Sam could tell that this was all just a façade, but he wasn't going to crack that eggshell. Cas' melon was damaged enough and he wasn't about to open the floodgates, not until Dean and Bobby were back in the land of the living and ready to help him put the pieces back together.

Realizing that the ghost would only be stunned for a few minutes Sam pulled out his lighter and was about to light the grave when he realized that Cas should probably do the honors. This was his first hunt after all, and his kill. He deserved to bask in the limelight, or the flame light, or whatever.

With one swift motion he chucked his lighter over to Cas, who caught it with one hand, now standing with a gun in one and the lighter in the other. He looked down at the two objects confusedly; surely Sam didn't want him to burn the body? That was just so…wrong.

"You gonna smoke her bacon or what?"

"Me?"

"Your kill." Cas flinched but gave a determined nod. He wanted to pay the Winchesters back for everything they had done for him. He really did owe them a favor, or two.

"Ok." Cas made his way over to the grave and dropped the lighter into the coffin, watching as the bones were engulfed in hellfire. Cas watched the flickering lights for a few minutes before making his way over to the others.

Bobby had come round and was cursing like a trooper and Dean was now standing with one arm wrapped around Sam's shoulder. It was clear that both brothers were leaning on each other for support, but if you asked either of them they would deny this and say they were not clinging on for dear life, but to keep the other upright. They were stubborn like that.

Cas walked forward a little so he could hear what Sam and Dean were saying.

"What the hell happened? You look like crap dude." Dean sounded half amused and half worried.

"Gee thanks, you can talk. You look like a damn mummy with that shirt around your head! Anyway, the ghost decided that throttling me would be a good laugh. Would have succeeded if it wasn't for Cas. Shot the bitch right in the head and burnt the corpse."

"Nice one Cas! Y'know Sam, you need to stop getting you neck wrung so often, how many times is this now?"

"Don't be a jerk."

"Don't be a bitch, pushover." Dean laughed and turned his attention fully to Castiel, who was leaning heavily against a tree looking shell-shocked.

"So, looks like you fried her bacon! Nice one, you really saved our skins!"

"Yeah, I guess I did." Castiel grinned for the first time in what seemed like months. He had finally done something right. Maybe he wouldn't be a lousy hunter; he might just be able to do some good in the world.

"Right, let's bury the bones and head off, before Sam goes and collapses on me!"

"You can talk, you're barely standin!"

"That's so not true; you're the one that's practically blue from asphyxia!"

"You're the one with a bashed in head…then again…at least there were no brain cells to get knocked out."

"Oi. Bitch."

"Jerk." Dean let go of Sam and they both stumbled a little before standing proud and acting as if their legs could defiantly support their weight, despite their condition. Cas too was putting up a façade, but when the others were not looking he had snuck a glance down at the old stab wound in his side and going against what he had thought earlier, it was bleeding. No wonder it hurt so much. With another glance he checked that no blood was soaking through his trench coat before joining Dean, Sam and Bobby. The hunters were already busy shoveling dirt and grime back into the six foot hole in the ground. He too began to kick the soil in, letting relief wash over him when Bobby said that they should leave and get some shut eye.

When they arrived back at Bobby's place Sam, Dean and Bobby all took it in turn to take a shower, stitch up their wounds and grab a beer, none of them noticing that Castiel had visibly paled and seemed to be barely with it. He wasn't responding immediately to their comments and eventually excused himself to have a bath in an attempt to soothe his aching muscles. No one noticed when he grabbed one of the sets of needles and thread, he had never stitched a wound before but he didn't want Dean to worry or Sam and Bobby to think he was a wuss. Therefore he ran the water to cover up any hisses of pain he let out and began to place neat sutures into his flesh, flinching every time he had to dig the sharp point into his skin.

When he was finally done he felt incredibly sick and dizzy but decided to get in the bath regardless. He was covered in mud, sweat and blood and really needed to feel clean. With a low groan he sank into the water, allowing his muscles to relax and barely noticing when he fell asleep.

Dean clambered upstairs, deciding that it was definitely time to catch some shut eye and that he should probably check on Castiel, who had been in the bath for well over an hour, which was just not normal.

"Cas? Hey Cas, you alright in there?" Dean gave a quick knock on the door, not immediately surprised to find it left ajar. Castiel never shut or locked the door behind him, probably because he didn't like the feeling of being trapped.

When there was not answer Dean gently pushed the door open, freezing when he saw that the water Cas was lying in was red, and that Cas' face was beneath the water.

"SHIT! CAS, CAS! SAM! SAM, QUICK."

"WHAT?" Dean didn't answer, he was too busy hauling Castiel's limp frame out of the bath and lying the younger man down on his back, immediately checking for a pulse and finding a very, very weak throb at the base of his neck. However, when he placed a hand over Cas' mouth he realized that he was not breathing.

Instinct kicking in and overpowering his fear, Dean grabbed Cas' head and tilted it to the side, grimacing when he saw a trickle of blood red water trickling from Castiel's nose and mouth. Then, he carefully turned his head back central and pressed his chapped lips to Cas', strongly breathing into his mouth four times.

Sam and Bobby came in when Dean was on his third round of breathing his own life into Cas and they both froze, panic stricken.

"What happened?"

"Dunno." Dean let out a short grunt before trying again.

"Come on Dean, you can do this." A minute later Sam and Bobby were just about to abandon all hope when Cas let out a small spluttering cough, a pinkish gush of water escaping his mouth. He groaned a little and managed to roll to his side, gasping for air, trying to ignore the pain in his chest. He didn't have a clue what had happened and was only vaguely aware of Dean's voice calling his name.

"CAS!" Finally Dean's shouts were answered when Castiel turned his face towards Dean, who flinched on sight of the bluish tint that had formed around Castiel's lips.

"Dean?"

"What the hell man? What happened?"

"I-I don't know." Castiel leant into Dean and closed his eyes. He just wanted to sleep.

"C'mon Cas, keep your eyes on the prize, look at me Cas, I need you to tell me what happened."

"Don't know, was tired. Dizzy." Castiel closed his eyes, the fact that he was lying naked in Bobby's bathroom with three other men only vaguely registering in his mind.

"Bobby, what do I do?" Dean sounded terrified, what would happen if Cas went to sleep and never woke up?

"He needs some sleep. He's out of danger now, we just need to warm him up and check that cut, although it looks like he fixed himself up. Probably fainted and slumped under the water, he had a tough day and I guess seeing all that blood didn't do him any favors."

"Ok." Dean grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Castiel's body, scooping Cas up, the younger man groaning a little feeling but remaining completely limp and pliant, allowing Dean to dress him in one of his own baggy band t-shirts and to tuck him in gently.  
"Cas, are you ok?"

"M'fine." Cas buried his head in one of the pillows and kept his eyes closed, waiting for sleep to claim him.

"Bobby? Is he meant to be that lethargic?"

"The guy nearly drowned Dean, he's hardly going to be up and ready to kill a wendigo or somethin. Let him sleep."

"I just..."

"He's fine. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried. I don't worry."

"Sure you don’t." Dean turned to see Sam with two beers in hand.

"M'fine."

"Shut up and drink this, you look worse than Cas right now."

"Cheers." The sarcasm was almost tangible as Dean took the beer and downed it in five gulps before turning back to the bedroom.

"I'm gonna keep an eye on him, seya tomorrow." Dean stripped off his jeans and t-shirt, lying in just his boxers next to Castiel, who was barely awake.

"M'sorry Dean."

"It wasn't your fault. But for the love of god, please tell me when you are hurt next time. What the hell were you thinking? I’d never judge you for getting hurt, hell me and Sammy were hurt, and Bobby. Being injured doesn’t make you weak. I just thank my lucky stars I got in on time. You are one lucky guy at times!"

"I am not good luck Dean."

"Sure you are, I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?"

"Yeah, I guess so. If that's what you want." Castiel felt a warm feeling flood over him as Dean gently rubbed the tension out of his shoulders.

"I really love you Dean."

"Good. I love you too." Dean, feeling that his limit of soppy, chick-flick words had now been used up, decided that he could get his emotions over better with a kiss. He leant in and pulled Cas' head up to his own, pressing his lips to Cas' and rubbing his back, relishing in the way that Cas responded deeply and passionately.

When Cas finally pulled back he rested his head on Dean's chest, nuzzling against his muscled torso and allowing himself to drift off.


	5. Chapter 5

It was three weeks after Cas' nearly drowning in the bath stunt and things had finally begun to improve. He no longer jumped at every single loud noise, although the occasional slam of a door or ambulance siren would cause his body to stiffen. It had also been a week since he had last had a panic attack, cried or spent an insanely long time in the shower.

He had also been on three successful hunts, a wendigo, a poltergeist and a cursed object had all met their match, team free will as Dean occasionally referred to themselves as, were really getting into the swing of things. In fact, Cas was showing all the signs of being an incredible hunter. He was quick, zapping around the graveyards or woods faster than Dean would have thought humanly possible, he was calm and calculated and he was also dedicated to the team. He had not only been the one to kill the wendigo, he had single handedly been able to wrestle it off Sam, who had been pinned to a tree.

All in all, Dean was incredibly proud of how far his boyfriend had come. And yes, that was what they were now. Sam had now started branding them as Destiel, mocking Dean for going soft and chick-flick. But to be truthful, he was happy for them. Really happy for them.

Dean deserved someone who loved him and understood him. Usually, if he told some blonde chick that he hunted monsters, things wouldn't have gone so well, but in this case, Cas had spent his life battling a monster of his own as well as his inner demons. In a strange way it made their lives easier as a couple. 

They knew everything about each other and for once Dean’s relationship was not built on a foundation of lies.

Castiel woke up at seven am in the morning, as he always did, untangled his body from Dean's arms, as he always did, planted a soft kiss on Dean's neck, as he always did and headed to Bobby's kitchen. They had spent nearly a month there now, working local cases, and Dean had finally decided that Cas was ready for a change of scenery now that he was more emotionally stable.

Castiel quickly whipped up some waffle mix, knowing that waffles were Dean's favorite and he placed the mix into a machine that Bobby had bought specifically for the eldest Winchester's visits. Not that he was soppy and willing to put up with any fussy eating crap.

Once he was done he placed the waffles neatly on a plate and slotted them into the oven to keep them warm. Dean wouldn't be up for at least another half hour.

When Dean did finally stir he made his own way downstairs and found Cas pouring over his Dad's journal. He had taken to skimming through it and trying to memorise how to kill different creatures. He did not want to be a liability.

"Hey Cas, you ready?"

"You sure you've had enough beauty sleep?"

"Are you calling me a lazy ass?"

"No, I'm calling you a…a…an Assbut!" Castiel looked incredibly proud of his comeback but Dean just grimaced and rolled his eyes.

"Was that the best you could come up with?"

"Yes, it was."

"You need to spend some time on the road. Anyway, is that waffles I smell?"

"Do you think of anything but food?"

"Yeah, there's always drink and sex to consider."

"Whatever, they're in the oven, and there's syrup on the table."

"Cheers." Dean was halfway through his third waffle when Sam appeared, grabbing an apple from the side and earning himself a disgusted look from Dean.

"Call that breakfast Sammy, no wonder you're so lanky."

"I tend not to eat a thousand calories in one sitting!"

"You should try it some time!"

"How you doing today Cas?" Sam changed the topic, knowing he would never be able to drag Dean away from his waffles, pie or burgers.

"Fine, you?"

"Good as always."

"Apart from when you are busy getting strangled."

"Whatever Dean, who was it that fainted in Oregon a couple of months ago?"

"I did not faint, I tripped."

"And laid on the ground stock still for five minutes."

"I was getting some shut eye."

"Literally."

"D'ya boys ever stop arguin?" Bobby strolled into the room with three books under one arm and his mobile in the other.

"Yes. Occasionally. Who was on the phone?"

"Police asking for the FBI, an old mate needed some covering up doing."

"Nice one Bobby, anyway we'd better head off now. Thanks for everything man."

"No problem, just don't tread blood in the carpet next time." Bobby clapped Dean on the back before giving him, Sam and then Cas a tight hug, the latter only flinching a little at the contact. It was a definite improvement.

"Well, you guys take care of yourselves, I'd like to see you all in one piece next visit."

"You know us Bobby, always careful." Bobby made a tutting noise as he watched the unlikely trio walk out of his door. No matter what, he knew that they would look out for each other.  
…

Bobby had not been wrong. It was Cas' twelfth hunt when he was able to save both Dean and Sam single handedly from being turned by a werewolf. They had been tracking it for days, and nights, determined that they would catch the wolf by Friday, otherwise they would have to wait another month. Having finally tracked it to the middle of the woods, because the outskirts would have been too convenient for the hunters, Dean and Sam were knocked to their feet by the monster, both crashing to the ground dazed.

If Cas hadn't have been there they would have both been puppy chow, but he was there and a few weeks with Dean had turned him into a fully fledged hunter. Without a moments hesitation he had stabbed the wolf, tackled it to the ground when it still continued to put up a fight, and shot it in the side with a silver bullet, finally causing the beast to slump to the ground dead.

In one swift motion Cas had pulled the furry body off of himself and had stood up, drenched in blood but smiling softly. The adrenaline was currently counterbalancing his shock and fear and he couldn't help but feel incredibly proud of himself.

Dean was clearly proud to, as he stood up, pulled Cas close and kissed him full on the lips, despite the fact that Sammy was only a few feet away, and frankly it was quite awkward. But Dean didn't care. His boyfriend was officially a badass.

As far as kisses go, that probably wasn't the most romantic one, with Dean and Cas smothered in blood, mud and sweat, but neither man cared. All that mattered was that they were alive to fight another day, and whilst that was the case they were determined to go out together and continue saving people and hunting things, the family business. 

After all, that is what they were now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought <3

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that you have enjoyed this chapter so far, please let me know what you think :D Comments are life and all that :)


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